über my dead body

German homework? What? Who? no. basketball.

I realized that over the past three months or so, the readership of this thing has altered somewhat. So this post will be less of the typical in-the-moment whining and more longterm whining. Isn't that kind of interesting? Bloggers/LJers/whatever-ers assume that their readers will catch on in medias res. Hence the brief recap after today's events. Today was bitchin', by the way.

Today:
-solved my interview clothing problems without resorting to a hellish bus ride to a hellisher mall. GodDAMN do I hate VRC and love the boutique-y shops in my 'hood. Ever increasingly, there's less I love about my 'hood. The constant drunken babble, the ever-present litter -- symptomatic of a the entitled attitude that drives me up the fucking wall, the redneck-y harassment (here? really? c'mon kids, I left alaska for a reason...), the slummy apartment, the NOISE. however, the bier stein, some decent mexican, some crummy and addictive coffee and said clothing shops are 'round about here. overall, no complaints. 'spose.
-had a very overwhelmingly positive ex encounter. having social skills makes me want to dance.
-had a falafel, which makes any day AWESOME.
-spilled the following upon myself in this order: runny egg, coffee, falafel juice. these poor pants.
-patched my favorite jeans. cleaned. made further progress on errand-y things.
-watched the ducks beat ASU. I considered calling Aaron to gloat, but figured he wouldn't be too into it. After all, he did finish his MA a while ago and isn't too much for the hoops. I've loved re-embracing my basketball fan self. More than a few pals have said it doesn't really jive with my personality, whatever the hell that means. This season is my coming-out season: My name is Erica, and I love college hoops. DEAL WITH IT.

In general:
-Western Culinary institute still wants me/my money. I'm not sure if I want to do this. Aren't culinary schools a little over the top for what I want to do? That is to say, I can whip up some better than decent bar food, which is all I need, really. Friend C and I have decided to try to open a bar when we have a little start-up dough. She's good with numbers and booze, I'm good with people and food and booze, and we're both dedicated enough to the idea to backburner it until it's do-able. hell with cook school.
-making stock tomorrow. haven't done it in a while. must buy whole cloves.
-TFA interview. AGRHGHHHHH. My lesson will be on semicolons. am I the lamest grammarian ever? survey saaaaays yes.
-really, REALLY enjoying my alone time these days. reading the new paul auster. dancing around my apartment in various states of undress.
-quit the dining hall job. my last day's V-day. love pirate party to ensue. not especially creative, but it should be appropriately boozy and light-hearted. all eugenian readers ARRR welcome. costumes required.
-I miss my Anchortown buddies especially much this time of year. that thought makes me think about how brief my remaining eugene time may well be. ripping up these newly shot roots doesn't appeal. but.
-to my ridiculous variety pack of really super friends in all locations: endless and sincere love.

insomnia now

Rather than a newsy post about a boozy weekend or bitching about my incessant iTunes problems (THIS PROGRAM IS ASININE AND MUST LEARN RESPECT), I'll tell y'all about a moment ago. I was - and still am - in some warmed-up flannel jammies, perusing bookslut and salon alternately, sipping some kryptonite ibarra hot cocoa, when I discovered that I was not at all anxious/perplexed/angry about The Future or My Stupid Problems With Women or the Classes About Which I Whine Too Much. Come July, I could be anywhere. It's neither freeing nor frightening, perhaps because I'm cozy and satiated and in a bit of a daze, but I'll take it. I think, shock of shocks, that the sudden spike in non-compulsory reading has something to do with this. Three cheers for appropriated leisure time!

I found a bright orange telephone today, complete with cords. Art forthcoming.

Cheese has been disappearing at an alarming rate around here. John and I do the separate food thing, so I have no one to blame but myself (and those DAMN DIRTY APES) - cheese can be a more expensive habit than either beer or smoking. It's a good thing I don't smoke. I'd be broke.

My little bro has a girlfriend. I'm over the moon about it because it's great ammo for my Sibling Teasing Cannons, but it does mean he's never around to answer the damn phone. so I can't let the volleys fly.

Making mixes and burning requests. Anyone want anything else while I'm at it?

on top of all that, I'm re-establishing my tenuous photoshop skills. don't expect results. found a bunch of difficult ones that I can't seem to delete.

did anyone see The Black Dahlia? M? L?

Skipping class, particularly a class in which I'm totally golden, to get other things done isn't a crime. So why do I feel guilty and anxious? Maybe because I'm also skipping class to go shopping. For interview clothes! I have none! That's still considered productive, right? Hmm.

Somewhere in the my-apartment vicinity is a wireless network called Swann's Wireless Way. A Prouster nearby gives me glee, but naming a wireless network after Dead Frenchie's Greatest Hit... well, I guess John and I aren't ones to talk. Ours is called Team Awesome.

Finished ten pages of my thesis rough draft a couple of days hence. Upon turning said pages into my advisors, I promptly rewarded myself with a falafel.

I'm in a very "no patience for Belle and Sebastian, the Cure, the Police or the Wallflowers, so I'd appreciate it if you'd cut that shit out, iPod" sort of mood. Frustrated, one might say. Been listening to this gent, who is also, I'm proud to say, an aquaintance of mine. GAH -- forgot to get BLOW/Of Montreal tickets AGAIN. Verdammt!

No more sauce! February 14 is my (rather appropriate) last day at the dining hall. I'm applying for a techie desk job at the law school -- here's hoping.

Lately, I've felt like I have the emotional spectrum of a fish. Or like I'm on lithium. Restraining emotions doesn't come easily to me, so why have I not been reacting at all to what should, by all accounts, be a very emotional time? I'm just tired. No wonder most posts have been so disjointed.

My grandpa sent me fudge and a candy thermometer.

"There is somethere else here."

Either my fingers are now conduits for typewritten profundities, or I'm totally losing it.

(edited for detail-adding) There are 112,000 white flags and 3,000 red flags planted in the memorial quad, spilling over into the adjacent greens. (pictures -- the slideshow is worth it.) Spending three hours of my sunday planting these flags, each white one standing for 6-7 Iraqi civilians and soldiers killed and each red one standing for an American soldier, was sobering enough. But the thing about activism is this: once you start, it's hard to say no. I ended up moderating a panel discussion of veterans -- all students, all served in Iraq -- which went very, very well. The typical anti-war "screw the military" crowd was silent; it was a very respectful event. Everyone said what they set out to get across, and if I do say so myself, I was a very even-keel moderator.

The thesis plods onward. I've actually been getting things done (y'know, on the order of writing the damn thing.) but still. nagging doubts. is this even remotely academic? will this help me AT ALL in the future? does any of that matter? bleh. I'm tired of doubt. I think I wrote that last week.

Coming to terms with singledom took less time than I thought. I'm reeeeally into it, actually.

The fine folks at Teach for America get to size me up two weeks from tuesday, close-up and in the flesh. I have no idea what my five-minute lesson will be all about. Or where I'll rustle up some professional clothings. Hrm. This is not far away.

Also: I am sick and Eugene is small.

Apparently, my grandparents sent me a care package. My family manages to overcome insanity with moments of astonishing sweetness. That's sweet in the "kind, cute, loving" sense, not the "check this out, bro, it's totally _" sense.

Finished Ruth Reichl's newest memoir, Garlic and Sapphires and it's made me think twice about culinary school. I've already started to wonder how whimsical that idea is/was; not that I love food or cooking any less, it just seems like there are so, so many other things I want to do too. Why do all of these options telescope into a messy pile labelled AFTER COLLEGE? It's too damn hard to take a long-term view when the shorter terms are so uncertain. I know I'm taking this too seriously. Back to the book. Reichl illustrates the New York culinary scene vividly, but the hijinks and disguises and descriptions of meals with price tags higher than the contents of my bedroom aren't what got me. At one point, Reichl gives her high-end leftovers (duckling with hoity-toity sides and sauces I can't recall) to a homeless guy on the subway. Eating is fundamental, she seems to say, and inequity is an inescapable fact.

Thing is, despite my Education Rant* and all of the trappings of good liberaldom, all I really want is a cozy life. Good food and friends and all of those simple bourgie pleasures that come from a modest paycheck and white collar.

In the meantime, I have a thesis on superheroines stagnating over my back burners, some peacenik activities that appeared out of nowhere, a suddenly perplexing personal and social life and a job that leaves me smelling of pork. And not in a good way at all.

Despite all the vitamins and positive mental attituding, I'm sick too. January was allegedly for hibernating. The only hibernation in my life has been grabbing the sparse moments between coming and going to listen to a little something on the old iPod.

The fridge talks to us now. Complains, mostly. It's an obnoxious reminder that yes, we do in fact still live in a crummy West University apartment and settled for way less.

Hilariously, though, I realized that should I find myself teaching, I'd be joining the family business. No sheriffing, trolley driving or cartography for this kid. No military service or dermatology either. I think it's kind of quaint.

*I'll save this one for later.

The Further Adventures of

I know the weather is a time-honored tedious subject, but DAMN. My perma-frozen toes just might win out over my cheapness in the "we don't need to turn on the heat" department. This problem has also found a solution in virtually living with some buds who have over zealous and oddly gratis heat.

Still losing the Futurequest. My application to TFA is out, my phone interview tomorrow. I'm surprised at how nervous I'm not. If I want it, I'll get it. Not that I'm terribly sure of what I want, but meh.

Topless pizza night = amazing fun.

The thesis drags on. Once a timetable is set, this will be a different story entirely. Free-form, self-directed projects don't seem to agree with me these days.

organizing my thoughts

"Why do you seek to join Teach For America? What would make you an effective corps member?"

Hell if I know. I'm a bit preoccupied with other things, like having broken up with Rose, my grandfather's further deterioration, money and my lack thereof, the impending term and the subsequent reality of actually writing this thesis, etc. My reaction to all of these things of late, together or individually, has been "donwannatalkboutit." As such, all I can think about is a mental slurry of Recent Events.

Something tells me the Teach for America folks aren't terribly interested in an answer along the lines of "to alleviate my white guilt." That would be far too tongue-in-cheek, and likely too honest for comfort. In the honesty department, "I don't want to hide in grad school, but getting a real job is scary and hard" might not cut it either.

I do think that I would be good at teaching and I have the confidence to say so. That's step one.

Phew. Thank god that's taken care of.

The requisite "education is the key to success" rant -- I could approach it from the "raised by educators" angle rather than the "I'd better believe this because I'm a humanities major" angle. I think what intimidates me most about all of this is the professionality of the thing. A letter of intent? An essay? This is national corporation meets grad school app type stuff. At least I'm a decent writer. Four to five hundred words should not be this difficult. That, and I shouldn't have put this off until the eleventh hour.

Culinary school has seemed more like a whim lately, like something I should relegate to daydreams.

Damn it, I wish I knew something.

I love the holidays again. It was a long time coming, but now I can't stop singing 'Let it Snow.'

Also, the word crisis apparently comes from the Greek krisis, which translates to 'judgment.' This, I think, is very apt.

Still reading oodles of comics and comic criticism. That's about all she wrote.

Oh, and Rose is back. Happiest kid in town over here!

Condensed College

This weekend and week should be taken in spoonfuls rather than the liters I've been served. The birthday party was fun: low-key, even downright wholesome with the cookies, warm drinks and board games. It ended fairly early (last guest left around midnight-thirty, I think) and that was fine. The morning-of, I was nursing/wretching through the worst hangover on record. I'm still feeling a little gun-shy about liquor, in fact. Joint birthday party, small dinner, bottle of wine...I was only happy to obscure my woes in a haze of baking and phonecalls from loves.

Then the papers. Thankfully, I've been relatively responsible and completed two of my four (a combined total of almost 40 written pages due over three days -- guh) well ahead of time. The last two, not so much. One's done. It was supposed to be about Annie Liebovitz and it was supposed to be EASY. Instead, some grad student recalled ALL of my books and I had to start topicless from square one. So I wrote about cooking magazines, and how A) they're legitimate texts and B) blah blah blah discursive rhetoric. It damn near killed me.

Kill Bill paper in the works. but enough schoolwork. I hate it when school is the only thing on my mind and in my mouth. I mean, really? Parties and papers? Am I that much of a cliche these days?

More interestingly: I'm officially well enough to go back to work for short shifts! Projected date of full recovery is Januaryish.

Rose returns in less than two weeks. Why am I nervous about that? Term ends in less than 24 hours. There must be some crossover there.

My (film) camera is officially shot, too. Kaput. Replacement may be the most cost-effective option, too, which breaks my heart more than a little.

Making myself a steak tonight. My rare-ness technique is now better than passable, so I'm looking forward to it. Mmmm, cheap meat.

you'd better think (think! thinkthink!)

The food:

Turkey breast, done up traditional. Oddly, it came in a string mesh sack thingy which, according to the directions thereon, was supposed to remain in place while during cooking. We did so, and it was fantastic. Even the overdone parts were good (there was a preheating time mishap. Mistakes were made. Passive voice was used.)
Mashed potatoes with a garlic and leek cream sauce. I'm actually competent with the dairy sauces now. This is a milestone. At any rate, my logic was this: if garlic, cream/milk and butter are all gold as far as mashed taters are concerned, why not just add more in sauce form and moosh them all together? With leeks. Everything, I think, could use more leeks.
Cranberry sauce, sort of a la KT. Well, I used lime juice and no dehydrated orange bits. The premise and huge tartness factor was largely the same, though.
Green beans, sans Campbell's glop. I steamed those mofos halfway (parsteamed? can I do that?) and then cooked 'em up with ginger, that awesome garlic chili paste, soy sauce and a huge glug of sherry. The sherry was actually some old Tokaj (Hungarian white wine -- great stuff) Roberta had sitting around that had become sherry. It was nice to have some spice on the T-giving table for once.
Corn risotto. Courtesy New Seasons. For color, I think.
And my first completely solo piefromscratch. Apple. The crust was almost too buttery. Mmm.

The rad:

On Buy Nothing Day, I traded a pair of socks for a cup of coffee. Not twenty minutes later did a cavalcade of West Ank-o-ragers come trooping through the door of my little southeast PDX coffee spot. Since they were actually folks I was excited to see, it was a really big, delightful coincidence.
Later that evening, further socializing at a pal's parents. Birthday style. There was cheesecake involved. RAWK. Followed by breakfast with the birthday girl at Cup and Saucer. If I could be a brunch cook in Portland, I think my life would be much, much richer for it.
Met up with different 'ragers for coffee as a part of my project. Operation: Actually Visit 'ragers in the Pacific NW Once in a While.
Hung with Lolly at a wings joint and her joint and Plaid Pantry, but not in that order. Scratch black strap rum off of the To Try list.

The smugly:

One class is DONE. Ovah. Well, after I turn in this paper, but still.
Also, I age soon.

holiday now please

My school-mentality of late has been along the lines of "if it's not interesting or fun, fuck it." Which is fine. As such, my final papers are going to kick ass. The working titles, or rather, what I'm snarkily calling them in their rough draft form:

-Hast du wieder Zeit für mich? Examining and Re-translating Nena's "99 Luftballons"
-Performances of Gender in Kill Bill
-Annie Liebowitz: What the hell is a portrait, and why the hell can't it be fun?

and a paper for my Deutsch lit class that probably won't be as interesting, although there will be plenty of sex involved. So hey.

These should be fun, interesting papers that I can really get into, but motivation is in the red over here. It'll all get done. For the moment, though, I'm going to make some cornbread.

Also: Thanksgiving weekend in PDX! If anyone knows of a ride returning Sunday, I'd be much obliged.

briefly

I don't really know who reads this anymore, which isn't as distressing as I thought it would be. So when I say something like, "I've been really down lately" or "the future beyond my next birthday -- less than a month away -- freaks me the hell out" I don't know who's listening. How much they know about my tendency to freak out on a fairly regular basis, or whether said freak out is actually indicative of Something Big. (Admittedly, 9 out of 10 are not at all worth the effort it takes to freak out anyway.) Upshot being: none of this is likely as bad as it sounds, given my propensity toward hyperbole.*

That said, I feel right shitty.

*My most flagrant example being a conversation with Kyle a while ago on the Alaska election results. I'll let you fill in the exaggeratory gaps from there.

I heart non-traditional pasta dishes

Squash and Leek Lasagna, as bastardized from Eating Well's recipe. Turned out right nice.

1 large acorn squash (although any winter squash will get the job done.)
2 medium leeks, chopped finely. Ditch the dark green parts.
1 medium yellow onion
spinach
2-3 cups ricotta
1 egg
10-12 oz lasagna noodles
3 cups milk
flour
1 tsp dried thyme
1/2 tsp dried marjoram
1 tsp (or slightly less) ground nutmeg
ground pepper
parmesean cheese
1/4 c pine nuts (way optional)

Since I was not in the mood to peel and grate an acorn squash, I baked that bad boy instead. Cut it in half, scooped out the seeds, and let it go for about 50 minutes in a 400 degree oven with a pan of water under it.
Meanwhile, I discovered the true meaning of bechamel. White sauces of all types are one of my culinary bugbears. Probably because I'm impatient and tend to fly half-cocked into recipes -- I can be pretty cavalier about improvising, to mixed results. Anyhow, this go around, I did everything right...and with leeks! I melted a mass of butter (3-4ish tbs) and cooked the leeks until they were soft and good-smelling. The recipe called for 1/4 c flour, but I can't stand floury-tasting sauces, so I probably used half of that. Added the milk slooooowly. Stirred, added spices, allowed to thicken. AND IT WORKED. I was so thrilled. Were it not for this damn foot, I'd have jigged a small jig. I then mashed the ricotta together with the egg, half of the thyme, and some ground pepper. The bowl was too small. It got messy. I probably should have steamed the spinach for a moment or two, but that seemed like too many dishes. Meh. Boiled the noodles. Tried to keep them from sticking together with dubious success. Anyway, once the squash was done, I layered: noodles, squash, sauce, noodles, cheese, spinach. Repeated that until I started to run out of squash (note to self: there is no such thing as too little squash. Shop accordingly.) Topped with parmesean and toasted pine nuts (actually, I only put nuts on half, since I'm not wild about them. John liked them. I could have taken or left them, to be honest. They're expensive!) Baked for 50 minutes at 350 with foil, and another 20 or so without. I'd make a wine recommendation, but I am incapable. Beer, on the other hand, I can do. Alaska's Winter Warmer was nice, and it's seasonal! And it has spruce tips in it! Therefore, it tastes like Alaska. A nut brown would probably work too.

Does anyone know anything about insurance settlements? I'm lost in jargon.

hell, I'm not doing 50 of these damn things.

State of the Body: Despite the last few days being made of pain, I'm pretty okay. The bruises are starting to fade like absurd foliage (red to purple to green? only the leaves in Seuss books...) and the aches are starting to subside. I have DAS BOOT in lieu of a real cast or crutches for sure until Friday, at which point a medic and I reconnoitre. Long periods of standing or walking suck. HOWEVER: I'm alive. Pardon my melodrama, but I got lucky. And I'm healing, however slowly.

State of the Mind/Spirit/General Upstairs Region: Overall positive, despite a somewhat unexpected case of missing Alaska today. (Cured easily by a good dose of KT and rain.) I'm glad that I have such loving friends -- this whole thing has me really shaken, however flippant I may be. So, thanks. You guys make me feel lots better.

State of the Ivory Tower: I've finished my thesis prospectus, although it wasn't the greatest piece of work I've ever done. The part I wrote before the accident is solid, but the thing loses focus after that. Oh well. If it's truly awful, I'll rewrite the damn thing. The Daunting German Essay is also finished. Not looking forward to the end of the term. No exams -- just four papers due over three days. I may actually be responsible this go-around and start on at least something early. (Ha?) Anywho, I'm getting close to the Week 8 lull. None too soon.

State of the Union: Apparently, this place is finally trudging back to the left. (AK sidenote: PALIN?! PALIN?!?! ARGH!! That she-devil will see every social service dismantled before you can say "Lyda Green." Also, Don Young -- no surprise. But hey, go Berta Gardner! Nice to see another solid dem in midtown.)

State of the Kitchen: Sad. Pathetic, even. Cooking came to a standstill long before I got Buicked, although I had a really great knife moment while slicing some melon. Sharp knives give me chills. Now all I need is a better (wooden) cutting board. On deck for the lull: squash and leek/spinach lasagne, yam curry, KT's cranberry sauce, cornbread. Maybe some baking, too. Updates to follow as developments warrant.

District of Other Hobbies and the Wrap-Up Islands: No darkroom for this gimp. Not until I can stand for more than 20 minutes without kvetching. Sewing projects, on the other hand...
Anyhow, I'm sedentary and more or less at peace.

You've got to be KIDDING me

Third car accident in a month, folks. And for the second time, I was NOT in a motor vehicle. This time around, I was picked off the pavement while pedestrianing. As I type, my foot is in one of those big not-casts-but-BOOTs, my hips, knees and elbows are complaining, and I get to chase elusive insurance dollars for what will likely be a few weeks.

I was not at fault, shockingly. Though I may be a prolific and flagrant jaywalker, I had the signal. Blind. Sided. Some part of me broke her driver's side window, though I'm not sure which.

After I got my crutches from the Health Center, it started to rain torrentially. Of course. So I eventually turned around and got Das Boot instead (so much Wasser -- it seemed logical.) That helped. Plus, no palm blisters now.

Since I can't exactly cook gallons of sauce (my apparent manifest destiny in the dining hall) or wash dishes on a bum paw, I get three weeks or so off of work. Catching up on schoolwork -- yes! Not making any scratch -- no!

This is wildly inconvenient. But, as John reminds me, I got hit by a CAR.

two bitses, please

So I want to join the rugby team really, really bad(ly? I think it's badly.) Let me lay it out on the line list style.

Pro:
-awesome, awesome people who I know I like
-physical activity -- given my metabolism and all the damn running they do, I'd be ripped by graduation
-from the sound of things, great parties
-away games = getting out of eugene

Con:
-I have no time.
subpoint -- I'd have to cut back hours at work (the dining hall -- no biggie, but less money.)
subpoint -- 20 credits + work + twice or thrice weekly practice + Saturday games = ?

I'm torn. I really want to go get my ass kicked and have fun. On the other hand, I don't want to die of busy-ness. This is hard. Y'all's thoughts?

In other news, halloween was amazing. John and I went as John Travolta/Vincent Vega and Uma Thurman/Mia Wallace from Pulp Fiction.

Weltverachtung weg!

My German lit class is kicking my ass less. Es gelingt mir! Ich gewinne! But let me back up. Mom always told me to keep my PMA (yes, that IS Positive Mental Attitude) in line -- there's some kitschy book floating around our basement about keeping the warm fuzzies close and the cold negative fuckers at bay. The thing's in cartoon form, illustrated by an Ed Emberley knock-off, and made a strong impression on me. Apparently it didn't have an overwhelming influence; I can't remember the title or author and I certainly have a hell of a time keeping my PMA even marginally intact. Lately our (more or less) weekly phone conversations have become PMA pep talks. There's a degree of mental toughness that I have yet to cultivate, so it's easy to get discouraged over the build-up of manageable annoyances and longer term woes.

The upshot: It's easier to feel sunny when I'm taking some pride in my scraped-together grade on the German miderm rather than looking at it grimly from the trenches. To say nothing of biking 8+ miles and getting my endorphins on.

Thing is, this goes in cycles, and they're often all too short. The blues strike, the coutner-blues strike, things level off, I get bored. Repeat. Mom says to be pro-active. Dad says he'll visit. They're both yes.

PS. The other blog is folding on account of 20 credits, 15 hours in the dining hall, darkroom, biking, and a partridge in a fucking pear tree. I's busy.

PS Jr. Comments are completely and utterly fixed, so start using them.

Adlai, Adlai, what do you say?

That's right. Sufjan concert tomorrow night. I'll learn once and for all how he pronounces that name of his. I've been going with the y-sounding j lately, and that seems to garner less scorn. Apparently the concerts are lushly orchestrated and whimsical in a blow-up Santa sorta way. I'm, needless to say, thoroughly stoked.

In other, significantly less exciting news, I'm likely changing my thesis topic. Feminist translation theory, though rich in dry, ivory towerish readings, isn't really my cup of tea. I'm looking to explore something in the cultural studies realm (see also: I have the chance to read comics or watch movies and be damned if I don't take it. Lolly, I may very well join your ranks. But no Ware for me, he's too much of a downer. Maybe translations of R. Crumb, if I still want to get my translation on.) Staring down the barrel of a thesis that I already know I'm not interested in makes for a bit of academic malaise. Out with the old.

Vermont was fantastic. Mountainous. Loving. Full. (and a little drunk)









The social life returns, albeit slowly. Hijinks are in the works. no major cooking adventures lately. Just chicken stock and a damn fine steak. over-n-out.

T-minus

Two days until:
-Classes begin and I can finally get started on my last year and subsequently finish it. I had senioritis in high school. This is more like a Massive Patience Deficiency.
-I hear back from Stan at the Campus Sub Shop regarding a job. The Eugene job market is more depressing than the Greek Recruitment barbecue that invaded the quad as I was reading. (TURN DOWN THE FITTY CENT. I'M LISTENING TO MIRAH AND I REFUSE TO CRANK HER.)
-I find out just how much more change I'll need to drop on books. Final year students aren't supposed to have huge booklists. That's the law.

Five days until:
-I hit up Vermont.

Round about ninety days until:
-My paternal clan converges on Arizona (and Mexico?) for holiday frolicking.

Two hundred and sixty-six days until:
-Commencement and the beginning of life as a college graduate.

Northwest Tour 2006!

Last night: McMenamin's brewskis with Lolly, complete with serendipitous meeting of other ex-UO English kids (all you have to do in this town is read a thick book to start up a chat -- why don't I live in Portland NOW?) Oh, and a kick-ass concert. I hadn't seen or heard much about the Trachtenberg Family Slideshow Players; all I knew was that Michelle Trachtenberg wasn't involved and I was generally ambivalent as a result. Talk about showmanship! Mister Trachtenberg was Hilarious, with Dan Bern on speed sort of lyrics. Nice nice nice.
Next up: VIVA VOCE. They don't fuck around. I think they were my favorite act of the night, between Kevin's simultaneous harmonica playing and drumming and Anita's gorgeous voice and quietly engaging stage presence. They kicked it off with some older stuff, too, which always wins me over. I very nearly shed a tear at "The Lucky Ones."
Set up for the third group was quick, since it was just one man. Stephen Malkmus. If any one person can hold 400-500 people at the Crystal Ballroom in check, it's that man. He struggled with it at first, but a few Pavement cuts and a few SM and the Js cuts later, everyone was sedated and singing.
The kicker: The Silver Jews. I decidedly don't like David Berman's stage persona, like he could take or leave the show and the audience and be totally happy with studio banding it up. But it's the Silver Jews. He was wearing a two-piece suit! And the bassist, whose name escapes me, was completely adorable. It seemed like she was trying to actually have some friendly banter with the audience instead of scampering on and off stage like the Berman.

Anyway, I'm in Portland until Tuesday, when Nelly and I make like trees and get outta here to Seatlle. Spokane after, I'm thinking the 14th. AND BEYOND! If anyone out there is in Seattle 12th-14th, call or email me. We should totally hang out.

Finally, the new blog won't replace this one, but it will likely take up more of my bloggin' energy for a while. And since I unwittingly joined blogger beta testing, I can't comment on blogger old skool blogs for now. Still reading, just...thwarted and anonymous.

away!

Comments are fixed. Or at least they should be.

Heading out to Portland and Washingtonian points beyond tomorrow. Looking forward to a sweet, sweet concert and Lolly among the many other treats that PDX affords. To say nothing of long-lost Seattle friends and my first-ever jive through Spokane. And it will be a jive.

In other news, I'm probably phasing out this whine factory in favor of something new. Considering making it a gang blog, so let me know if you'd be interested in the occasional pinch-hit.

Radio show is on an unexpected but not unwarranted hiatus. Final set list to be posted retroactively, if I can work that.

Our Lady of the Airwaves/08.29 set list

Your public service announcement for the day: If you're going to buy some new music in the next however long, do yourself a favor and get the new M. Ward (if you want acoustic lovely), Ratatat (for sheer sweetness), or Peaches, who needs no plug. The new Hot Chip is pretty sweet too. That's all, kids.

ratatat - loud pipes
new pornos - graceland
viva voce - the devil himself

the velvet teen - false profits
tender forever - then if i'm weird I want to share
the flaming lips - the yeah yeah yeah song

silver jews - sometimes a pony gets depressed
mommy and daddy - street cleaner demeanor
every day - rogue wave

rjd2 - good times roll pt. 2
edith piaf - padam padam
hello stranger - take it to the maxx

the mountain goats - cobra tattoo
stephen malkmus and the jicks - it kills
the thermals - returning to the fold

peaches - downtown
AC Newman - the town halo
sufjan stevens - chicago (adut contemporary easy listening version)

prefuse 73 w/four tet's kieran hebden - creating cyclical headaches
the futureheads - fallout
bonnie "prince" billy - cursed sleep

the hylozoists - la fin du monde
mew - special
jenny wilson - summertime, the roughest time

gravity and henry - march 4th
hot chip - over and over
dj copy - love is my nation (remix of the kingdom)

sonic youth - do you believe in rapture?
m. ward - post war
the black keys - your touch

Bad news round-up

Rest in peace, Susan Butcher (1954-2006). A dog musher par excellence, she dominated the sport during my formative years and secured her place in my personal hall of heroes from the get-go. She moved to Alaska from Boston when she was younger than I am now, looking for space and found national notoriety. Plus, the woman climbed McKinley. I've never met her, but Susan Butcher stands as the qunitessence of everything I love and miss about Alaska. She, like the place itself, had a tenacity that won't leave me.

My bike was stolen the other night, on a meaner, more petty note. Not terribly surprising, given Eugene's ginormous bike theft rate, but inconvenient and the capstone on an already pretty crummy day. That makes two bikes, two thefts. Something tells me that this one, my child and teenhood bike I might add, will not come back (incomplete or otherwise); it's a decent to middling mountain bike with easy-off seat and wheels, recently and lovingly tuned up by a pro and myself respectively. Just when I'm starting to get into bike care and maintenance, too.

Missing my girl in Vermont constantly.

AND I have a yeast infection. I know, I know. Cry y'all a river.

In food news, I made banana bread, but it turned out more like a coffee cake. Meh.

Why didn't anyone TELL me about this?

I must own this book. And I'll read it, too. See if I don't.

What I want to be when I grow up

Post-graduation life looms large these days, and I've been feeling awfully pressured to get on the ball considering I have no concept whatsoever of what I want to do with myself. I've vaguely decided to go East for a while, be it for Teach for America, grad school, culinary school or general bumming. Those are the four main tracks right now. Did I mention that I don't have a damn clue about what I want to do with myself? Not one. My mom suggested film school to my great surprise. My dad thinks I should stick to grad school. My brother grunted or something. I'm pulling in as much advice as I can because I just don't know what I want.

Unrelated, but kick-ass: I made a little whirlwind tour of the mid-west last long weekend. Flew into Detroit and hung out in 9 Mile with my buddy Dar, hit up the grandparents in Wheaton (outside of Chicago) and spent two wild nights in the Windy City with the Vienna crew. Needless to say, the show this four in the morning was a bit lackluster in the banter department.

boy least likely to - i'm glad i hitched my apple wagon to your star
boat - march in the streets
cadallaca - out west

ratatat - loud pipes
the unicorns - 2014
hot chip - the warning

kinski - the wives of artie shaw
pegasissy - penis breath
the rentals - waiting
james kochalka - cocaine

tom waits - alice
lali puna - faking the books
house of pain - top o' the morning

the silver jews - tennesse
rilo kiley - it's a hit
oh no! on my! - jane is fat
the french kicks - cloche

dinah washington - mad about the boy
ray charles - blue before sunrise
charlie hunter trio - think of one (t. monk)
golden arm trio - more sad people

m. ward - eyes on the prixe
iron and wine - evening on the ground
kaki king - second brain
the dandy warhols - we used to be friends

the smiths - pretty girls make graves
the fiery furnaces - tropical-iceland
caribou - cherrybomb
the killers - when you were young (radio version)

Everyone needs to wish Kyle a Happy 21st Birthday.

S-K, set list, procrastination

After the Thermals opened legit, some dude shambled onto the Crystal Ballroom stage. The audience went nuts, but they did that for roadies tinkering with floor toms. This guy was Eddie Vedder, however, and the crowd went nuts-er when he got his hair out of his face and gave a little wave. His song, essentially a Phil Ochs update about the Bush/Cheney cabal, was too overtly political for me to enjoy (songs like that just make me mad about the world's state of affairs, even Victor Jara -- and I don't speak Spanish.) But he and Janet Weiss rocked a duet of Tonight, You're Mine. [Actually, I'm not sure if that's the correct title. L? corrections?] The ladies were, of course, the highlight, with high kick, high notes, high times...anything high, really. Except me, since my carmates and I got rear-ended by a bus on the way to the show. We rocked through our whiplash. And yes, Sam, I did shed a tear at the end when they group-hugged and walked off stage after the second encore arm in arm in arm. I hate to bust out the superlative, but it may have been the best show I've ever seen.

I was tempted to play a little Sleater-Kinney goodbye tribute on my show, but I figured that I would probably start to ramble about the concert. Which is tedious. So here's how it panned out. Sam, I stole The No Show. I was under pressure and Erica's Power Hour sounded like a butt rock show.

the clash - wrong 'em boyo
bettie serveert - kid's alright
MIA - bucky done gun
mirah w/marisa anderson - nola

the blow - jet ski accidents
peaches - boys wanna be her
DFA 1979 - going steady
pretty girls make graves - by the throat

caribou - crayon
mogwai w/boom bip - hunted by a freak remix
sufjan stevens - chicago (multiple personality disorder version)
the mountain goats - stars fell on alabama
johnny cash - love's been good to me

the new pornographers - graceland
dressy bessy - side 2
jenny wilson - let my shoes lead me forward
CSS - let's make love and listen to death from above

the editors - french disko
wire - marooned
ann sexton - you've been gone too long

sergio mendes w/india.arie - timeless
the books - ghost train digest
talkdemonic - twenty cent revolt
four tet - pockets

kickball - tides or swells
yo la tengo - tom courtnenay
david bowie - kooks
roxy music - triptych

viva voce - mixtape = love
morcheeba - otherwise
tara jane o'neil - bluelight room

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a paper to finish.

Prodigal again

Epic burgers:

Take a pound or so of ground beef (7% fat is the cheapest at Market of Choice, but everyone knows the fattier the better) and moosh it up with AT LEAST three cloves of garlic (chopped or pressed), half of a medium onion, a goodly splash of a relatively sweet barbeque sauce, and major amounts of crumbled blue cheese. Moosh thoroughly, create THICK patties, set aside. Fry up some bacon. Remove from heat, throw patties onto the grease. Cook one side for about three or four minutes, then flip and cover. Cook and prod and check until finished, adding onion rings to the pan at the appropriate interval. Top with: arugula or mixed greens, tomato, aforementioned onions, barbeque sauce, sweet-n-hot mustard, Saffola, bacon, more cheese and a fried egg if you really want to remove years from your life. Serve with a salad. Or nothing at all. It's a monster burger.

A good day:

Talking and laughing with new and old friends, homemade spoonin' smoothies, painless familial phonecalls, time to plan out my next radio show, a sunny and mild day, an actual desire to work my brain, finally taking some photos, my favorite beer in the fridge, SEEING SLEATER-KINNEY TOMORROW FOR THEIR FAREWELL CONCERT, a trip to Chicago in the works, and a break from anxiety for the moment.

Apparently the Alaska pipeline is in shambles and London called to say CODE RED! I'm a little behind on current events these days. Ah well. Set lists from radio shows to come. You can stream me live at http://gladstone.uoregon.edu/~kwva/ from 4-6am on tuesdays. That's late monday night or early tuesday morning. East coasters? that's only 7-9am...TUNE THE HELL IN.

Where will YOU be on August 11?

Because I'll be watching Sleater-Kinney in Portland!

Still ill. Still jobless, although I've interviewed.

boxes!

Moved my stuff out of storage, finally.
Got aced out of Sleater-Kinney tickets -- didn't know when they went on sale. I'm watching ebay and craigslist to no avail.
Sick.
Unemployed.
But I just watched the season two finale of The L Word, so I'm doing fine. Gloria FREAKING Steinem!

PS. Has anyone received their mail yet?

housekeeping, etc

And not just the mounds of laundry that I've been avoiding. Neko Case concert was fantastic. If all country (or alt-country -- whatever) were that good, I'd have the biggest ten gallon hat around. Accompanied by Lolly, who is a shining beacon of awesome, as always.

Trying to figure out blogger comments and how to do some less visible blog-related technics.
Still no job, but a hopeful shot at L's old gig.
Not quite settled in Eugene, and I know it'll take time, but not being foreign is still foreign to me. And I don't care how pompous that may sound.

A Treatise on Hummus

Tesco, purveyors of mediocre foodstuffs in the UK and elsewhere, had an off-brand of hummus that was (as expected) not so hot. It got the job done, but I've definitely had better. I expected Eugene, Oregon to have a wide variety of hummus options, but I've been sticking with Emerald Valley to, you know, go local. And you know what? I don't really like it. But that's not the point here. The point is: how the hell does one spell hummus? I've seen -ous and variants on that theme and I find it all confusing because every spelling is more or less phonetic, thanks to the inner vowel-demons of the English language.

That was less a treatise and more a rant, but I've got to start somewhere. When last I wrote, I was in Anchorage and not altogether happy about that. Now I'm in Eugene and okay with that. Granted that the current apartment leaves a bit to be desired, but I'm once again in a classroom where I'm expected to be a somewhat serious student and my brain, if nothing else, feels refreshed. In other smalltalk, it was absolutely scorching, upwards of 100 degrees Fahrenheit, for a long weekend. Unacceptable. Alaskans are not built for that. Cooler now, thankfully. Also: Lolly stopped by and we'll be seeing Neko Case together and hitting up a bar on trivia night and and and! Very happy to see my co-giraffe.

My current class, a 4-week intensive number on feminist theory, excites me because I'm already starting to argue in my head with some of the texts. Women's and Gender Studies seems, at least at UO, to be a mix of subjects -- mostly sociology and other social sciences -- but without the bullshit that one finds in those classes ("What is a social structure?" springs to mind.) On the other hand, it's Oregon, so we're all middle class white girls. A few queers. Perhaps different religious backgrounds, but I'm hoping discussions take off beyond the liberal democrat baselines upon which we can all settle.

Let's see. Neko Case concert tomorrow. A few new CDs and a book to arrive over the next three weeks. My space bar is acting up. Moving sucks. Nothing groundbreaking to report, but I am alive and will write more. Swearsies.

UPDATE: According to the Pentagon, homos like me are no longer mentally ill. It only took until 2006 to not be crazy in the eyes of the military. God bless America! Link.

This post brought to you by jet lag and insomnia

It occurred to me this evening that I love Alaska in spite of myself. That is, even though I do the same three or four things here over and over and over while I'm here, it's still revitalizing to be back, to have mountains and trees and ocean again. I spent almost all day today outside, and I'd forgotten how euphoric that makes me feel. Not to say the Vienna woods weren't beautiful or that I couldn't have gone for a bike ride in Norwich. Nonetheless, Alaska -- and Anchorage -- have a very odd hold on me. In all likelihood, this feeling will pass when the place starts to feel cloyingly small, as it usually does. That's when no amount of hiking or biking or really great pizza can make me want to stay. A downside of being nomadic is the creeping sensation that no place is really home anymore. Alienation blows.

On the lighter end of things, I'm working on several books at once, which I haven't done in a long time. I haven't written about books in a while.

40 Stories by Donald Bartheleme
His prose is really crisp and cutting, but I've been so fried lately that I can't really pay adequate attention. It's a recent purchase, so I don't feel obligated to rush through it. Which is just as well, since the stories are really dense.

After Babel by George Steiner
Another dense tome. This little gem of translation studies lore weighs on my conscience. I bought it last summer hoping to get a jump on my thesis (ha!) and so far I've made no progress since then, unless you count starting over and reaching roughly the same place at which I left off. Ideally, I'll have this finished by July, but if I can't concentrate on the Barthelme, you know, fun stuff, then the academic reading is doomed until I get my head back to earth. It doesn't help that this guy is one of those theorists who gets condescending when referring to those feminists.

White Teeth by Zadie Smith
This woman does not care about her characters. The book makes me chuckle, but it's so indifferently written (and honestly, a let-down considering the hype it got back in the day) that I'm starting to not care. Has anyone else read this?

The Best American Non-Required Reading 2005 edited by Dave Eggers, intro by Beck
First: the introduction is by BECK. Second: I have my beefs with the Dave Eggers literary rockstar juggernaut, but this collection is consistently enjoyable and tends to include at least a few of my favorite authors each go-around. Aimee Bender, for one. (Bonus Dave Eggers rant: The guy does good work for the children, which I am all about, naturally. The guy's also got a reputation and an ego, which I could do without. The thing that bothers me is that he plays a seminal rule in the McSweeney's canonization process, being one of the high-ups in a lit organization that decrees what's hip. So the hipster dollar follows certain patterns. Even if these authors deserve the credit -- and they often do, again Bender comes to mind because she rocks -- the creation of an in-club runs counter to my idea of what groups like McSweeney's ought to do. You know, be the scouts for new talent instead of gimmicky, self-conscious hit-or-miss collections that place as much value on design as content.) That said, Third: Tony Millionaire did the cover and there are comics by Joe Sayers and Anders Nilsen in there. I'm 100% justified.

I've also been picking at the last month or so of The New Yorker, but nothing serious. Chances are I'll reread Moby Dick, or at least parts of it before I leave the Land of Whales. On a closing note: Everyone should read more Amy Hempel and A.M. Homes.

Whole lotta walkin' got done

It's the end of an era. These shoes got me through 11 countries (not counting one or two that I passed through en route to somewhere else) and 10 months of hiking, plodding, trotting, dashing and dancing. I wore them to the opera in Vienna and the Grand Bazaar in Turkey and the National Gallery in London and the Erotica Museum in Berlin and hash bars in Amsterdam and the long walk in Auschwitz. Since November or so, I've needed new shoes. I deferred the purchase time and time again, until I was in a cheaper country, until I wore them down, until until. Despite my outcry at shoe prices and ridiculous attempts to be stoic (I ran through pairs of insoles this year too), it was more of a personal mission to see them through the year, however tattered and stanky they may be. I threw them out yesterday, and have since worn only my sandals. Loyalty to objects is a weakness of mine that I can't really figure out. I made sure I tossed them just before the garbage got taken out, so I wouldn't imagine them pining for me from the rubbish bin. Is it strange to consider their life in a landfill akin to retirement, since they don't get kicked around and can stink freely? Is it strange that I'm this sad?

Crumbly Cheese or What the British Haven't Quite Killed

British cuisine is everything people say it is: greasy, gravy-laden and cooked to a second death. I won’t sugar coat it – the food here sucks. In that sense, I’m grateful that I can’t really afford to go out to eat since the over-abundance of Yorkshire puddings (cup shaped bits of fried/baked dough that one fills with whatever is at hand and gravy) would probably kill me. But it’s not all bangers and mash. Crumbly English cheese, the likes of which I was slicing for a sandwich this evening, has its uses. In fact, the best scrambled eggs I’ve made this year were Crumbly English Cheese fortified. Allow me to share. I sautéed some onions and peppers until they started to smell good and added the scrambly egg/milk mixture (I actually used cream at the time because that was all I had – turned out well.) I let ‘em all cook for a couple minutes, then threw some CEC (cheddar or red Leicester – I can’t remember which) on there to melt. At the end, I seasoned with salt, pepper, oregano and a tiny pinch of sugar. Best served with sausages, with the British also do quite well.

Some other folks around the dorm went in on a barbeque together, and I have to say that I enjoy the free-for-all style of grilling better than the organized gathering. At any given point, one to half a dozen people had food of all sorts cooking away -- from chipolatas to veggie patties to mangled cans of corn. It was a little more egalitarian. The tyranny of the grillmaster was broken into a selection of cooking styles and times. Condiments flowed freely, as did beer. I couldn't help but think that it easily topped family barbeques because of a sheer lack of hierarchy. And my burgers totally rocked ass.

A couple of days left in England now -- a handfull of hours, really. The pre-packing panic hasn't set in yet, but hey! I've got all day today and tomorrow for that!

So look out for this place

in the upcoming flick Stardust, with Claire Danes and Robert de Niro. I believe it's based on a Neil Gaiman book, so chances are, I'll be dragged to it. Anyway, they're filming here, Elm Hill, which is definitely a part of my Norwich stomping ground. The film comes out next year, I believe.

In the Immortal Words of Charlie Brown

From the film Snoopy Come Home, "I hate goodbyes. You know what I need? I need more hellos." A very dear friend left for her home in Finland, and I likely won't see her for a while. My Swiss flatmate Alex took off a week and a half ago. I'm leaving the sordid little burgh of Norwich myself shortly. After I graduated from high school, I realized that there were dozens -- if not hundreds -- of people that I would no longer see and think about. I asked my mom if this had something to do with Growing Up or Coming Of Age or something like that. A military brat who had lived on three continents before reaching teenagehood, she was so used to goodbyes that my seemingly monumental sadness was a bit surprising. Now, I don't always listen to my mom, but she said that the hellos just have to outnumber the goodbyes. It was cold comfort at 18, but it's clearer and more useful now that I've met eine Menge of awesome people who live all over the world, people I will want to know for the rest of my life. It's hard not to be sappy right about now. I leave Europe in less than 5 days, and that's really, really difficult to both type and believe.

In other news, I made an apple pie from scratch last week. Crust and everything. Am I proud? You bet your ass! Until recently, pie crusts were one of those insurmountable culinary goals that I took for granted. "It's so hard to get right and takes so much practice," I thought in my naivete, "I may as well cut my losses and go with store-bought crusts rather than face the shame of inadequate crusts. Well. All of this was before I met Randi the Pie Expert, who conveniently lives in my dorm and completely rocks besides. A lesson ensued. Pies-a-plenty, I tell you what. There's no breakfast quite like cold apple pie and coffee. At any rate, the secret seems to be keeping the butter (and the crust as a whole) cold. Grating frozen butter and then combining with flour -- genius.

Said Finnish friend, Saga, turned me onto funk and soul this semester. I'd encourage all my sassy soul sistas and brothas to check out Ann Sexton (no, not THAT one) and Ann Peebles. And you can never go wrong with Sly and the Family Stone.

The sun is actually out here, so I think I'd best take advantage of that rare light and take the rest of my slides of Norwich. I've forgotten what's on my Vienna roll. Hm.

oh, the anxiety

So I'm afraid of coming home. More than a little bit. I've gotten so accustomed to being away, to sinking myself in this life here, not that life there. The more things I add to the list of Stuff I'd Never Done Before, the less familiar home (Anchorage? Eugene? Portland?) feels.

I have a very tight connection in Boston. Totally banal, but stressing me out.

At any rate, I'm working on getting this thing up and running again. Focusing on my old loves (photos, cooking, booksnmusic, handy things, bitching and so on), but with more diligence, and hopefully, more insight than the typical out-pouring of mental material. I'd like to make this into something.

In the meantime, if you haven't heard of the Swedish singer Jenny Wilson, look her up now now now. The album Love and Youth rocks unquestionably. A bit Feist-esque, but funkier.

Under construction

Not really in appearance, but in content. You know, as in writing here once in a while. Links and stuff too. Maybe even a picture.

Hate to put it down

I'm starting to think that the posting frequency around here is a sign that maybe, maaaybe I should drop this blog thing. The mission at the outset, some rambly freshman-in-college crap about self-discovery, remains unaccomplished. It's a good bitching post and occasional place to stretch my writerly muscles, but it's not exactly topping the priority list.

Anyway. I'm in England. Tomorrow, I'll journey from the sleepy little burg of Norwich to the Big City. Life is generally good, but I still feel bad sometimes. That sounds oversimplified, but when ya gots depression, ya gots depression. But a lot of things counteract that. My flatmates, my friends in any part of the world, the fact that I'm writing again, the fact that I might not have to pay tuition this term, Achewood, chocolate in abundance, good ales, adventures. If I wallow in self-pity, I know I'll regret it looking back on this whole excursion. Sure, Norwich is boring at times and the weather sucks and sometimes I feel like shit, but...you know. Optimism and all.

I refuse to self-destruct!

Safely in London, by way of Berlin and Amsterdam. Sorely missing everyone, as I'm traveling very alone. Especially sorely missing Kyle, but maintaining perspective -- I'm in LONDON, for christ's sake.

and realizing just how terrible I've been about this whole blogging escapade for about a year now. Expect pictures in about a week from all major ports of call. For the moment, I'm very restricted in my uploading capabilities.

I had a single room in this long-term hostel, although I have a roomie for the next two days. She seems nice. I woke her up after my extremely long jaunt to the Science and Natural History museums. I wanted to hit the Victoria and Albert (all three are walking distance from this place -- just off Notting Hill Gate, if that means anything), but the Underground workers are all on strike tonight (of all nights!) so everything closed early.

Yesterday, I tooled around the area, hit up Portobello Road, bought strawberries, ate them. There was some reading involved, and some more wandering. Stumbling across a very cheap bookstore (novels I actually want for £2!) made a small dent in my wallet, only exacerbated by the AWFUL F-ING EXCHANGE RATE. Wrote a couple postcards, found a few that I meant to send earlier.

It's probably no surprise to any of you that this is rather difficult. Newly single, wandering alone in the largest city I've ever been to, and living in a situation that could best be described as dorm-like -- all the ingredients for being "in my head" altogether too much. But I set out on this year intent on learning to be alone, and I'm determined to do it.

I miss everyone nonetheless. Your emails mean so much to me. I know I've been delinquent, but I have the time and access to respond adequately now.

My editor sense tingled today.

The Viennese love to hang out their windows, even if their view isn't particularly great. Especially if their view isn't that great, actually. This is a contemplative city -- going to a coffeehouse to read a paper or making a jaunt in the Wiener Wald, alone or accompanied, are two favorite pastimes here that transcend the snooty, opera-going stereotype. It's hard to make friends here -- city slickers are closed-off to begin with, and the Viennese exemplify that one big time. But when you catch a man leaning out his window from your Straßenbahn station and wave, you might get a rare smile. Or if you happen to be ogling the sweets in the window of the confectioner on Langegasse and Alserstraße with a chuckling grandma, it doesn't hurt to say, "Alles sieht lecker aus, oder?" Something intangible about the Viennese has thoroughly charmed me. I think it's because they play hard to get, but stare at the street corners with thoughts in their eyes.


And, because I love Laura enough to do a silly meme:

Five Songs I've Been Listening to Obsessively This Week

all for swinging you around -- the new pornographers
cold cold water -- mirah
sister golden hair -- america
more adventurous -- rilo kiley
woman king -- iron and wine

and because I hate memes and am inclined to rebel generally, one more.

brown-eyed girl -- van the man

I bought an earflap hat so people would take me more seriously as an artist

I have this joke with my friends here. It goes a little something like this: I'm normally pretty scatterbrained -- this everyone knows. So I'd pass off importantish things like directions or train tickets to my roommate Jenn. She's the responsible one, I'd say, I'm just the comic relief. But one day, I kept the tickets. Puttin' on my Big Girl Pants, says I. The friends were impressed. A freeloader no longer, I proceeded to find my way around Vienna, Venice, Florence and Bratislava. I've learned the streetcars and subways here. I'll walk to my friends' houses confidently, without getting lost or harassed. Unless I'm with Americans, I only speak German. The Big Girl Pants are here to stay, right? Well...

Christmas is coming up. Even though I tend toward apathy at best and grinchiness at worst, the lights in the streets and bakery smells have really put me into a festive, lovey sort of mood.

Everyone in my classes won't stop talking about going home.

So now I'm fighting tears because I'm NOT going home and I DON'T have a plan or a clue where I'll be after December 16th. I'm scared, and I don't want my Big Girl Pants because they can't give me a hug. Homesickness, thy name is Erica.

For clarity

I will not be returning for the holidays. I'll see Alaskans in June and Oregonians sometime after that, depending on finances. But this is depressing, so read the entry below.

love.

Abenteuer!

Things I've done for the first time in the past six weeks:

Visited Poland, Germany, Hungary and Italy.
LEFT MY EFFING CAMERA IN THE HOSTEL IN VENICE.
Climbed a small mountain to a secluded Italian town.
Felt completely incompetent in three different languages.
Had a layered shot (two, in fact, with names that'll make you blush).
Been mistaken for a Swede, a Brit and a German successively.
Gone an entire day without speaking English.
Taken 100+ photos in a day. Six hours, really.
Made friends with folks without knowing a word of their language (offering chocolate always helps -- he gave me and my friends each a 10 ruble note. Russian money is rather pretty.)
Started Gravity's Rainbow.
Started Harry Potter (the first) in German.
Finished neither.
Studied less than three hours a week.
Tried countless new types of food and drink.
Stayed up all night waiting for a train.
Stayed up all night partying with two Midwesterners and a dude from New Zealand.
Adjusted to the German/Austrian keyboards, more or less.
Felt at home on a continent I'm not from.
Seen a giraffe in the flesh (!!!)
Gotten lost without panicking.
Purchased pizza by the kilo.
Been alone but not lonely.
Eaten organ meats.
Seen an underground Viennese hip hop show.
Smoked two cigarettes in two weeks. Slippery slope, people. I blame Ness.
Text messaged. Extensively.
Purchased a t-shirt with none other than Pope John Paul II on the front.
Neglected my blog thoroughly.

I could continue, but that would probably take hours. Hopefully my emails and pictures (www.flickr.com/users/ericarothman) find everyone well.

08.30.2005 -- Sam's Last Show

Because of Samuel K, I was inducted into the fascinating and seductive world of college radio. Needless to say, I'd like to have a show at UO, during grad school, and probably for the rest of my life. It's been awesome. Bold face indicates Sam's mom's tracks. She was our guest DJ, and I mean it sincerely when I say it rocked.

Blonde Redhead -- Elephant Woman
Scrabbel -- 1909
Rogue Wave -- Seconds

Nobody -- Wake Up and Smell the Millennium
Seachange -- News From Nowhere
Mclusky -- To Hell With Good Intentions

Sufjan Stevens -- The Man of Steel Has Stolen Our Hearts
Sun Kil Moon -- Lily and Parrots
Chemical Brothers -- The Boxer (request)

LCD Soundsystem -- Daft Punk is Playing at My House
Quasi -- It's Raining (giveaway)
Plastic Bertrand -- Ca Plane Pour Moi
Death From Above 1979 -- Little Girl
The Saints -- Messin' with the Kid

The Cripples -- Down Again
Autolux -- Here Comes Everyone
Pavement -- Jackals, False Grails: The Lonesome Era

Wilco -- Heavy Metal Drummer
Ique -- Hamachi
Shonen Knife -- Catnip Dream

The Shins -- Girl on the Wing
Modest Mouse -- Blame it on the Tetons
Radiohead -- Myxomyiatosis

The Dandy Warhols -- We Used to Be Friends
The Clash -- Straight to Hell
The Go! Team -- Panther Dash

X -- The World's a Mess/It's in My Kiss
The Thermals -- How We Know
Nobody -- Jose De La Rues

Carbon Leaf -- Life Less Ordinary (request)
Vast Aire -- 9 Lashes
Boom Bap Project -- 1,2,3,4
Bishop Allen -- Broken Heart (giveaway)
New Pornographers -- The Bleeding Heart Show

08.23.2005 Set list +1!

The New Pornographers -- Twin Cinema
Menomena -- Sista Social Theme Song
Jens Lekman -- A Man Walks into a Bar

The Faint -- Take Me to the Hospital
Four Tet -- Smile Around Your Face
Supersystem -- Born into This World

De Novo Dahl -- Jeffrey
The Cripples -- Contraception
The Moon Knights -- It's All For You

Band of Bees -- Horsemen
Doug Martsch -- Woke Up This Morning
Beat Happening -- Teenage Caveman

The Long Winters -- Carparts (giveaway)
Smallspace -- So We Say...
Scrabbel -- 1909
PJ Harvey -- This is Love

Boom Bap Project -- Cut Down Ya Options
Z-Trip -- Take Two Copies
Felt -- Morris Day
13 & God -- Soft Atlas

Kane Hodder -- Jason Dean was a Teenage Liberator
The Saints -- Wild About You
Fugazi -- Give Me the Cure
Tiger Bear Wolf -- You Play Guitar

Jack Johnson -- Sexy Plexi (Request)
The Constantines -- Steal this Sound
Preston School of Industry -- If the Straits of Magellan Should Ever Run Dry
...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead -- Baudelaire

Gomez -- Chicken Out (Request)
Ted Leo + Rx -- The Angel's Share
Bettie Seveert -- Kid's Alright
Kings of Convenience (with Feist) -- The Build Up

Sufjan Stevens -- Chicago
alaska! -- Fury of Trees (giveaway)
Jean Knight -- Mr. Big Stuff (giveaway)
Guitar Wolf -- Can-nana Fever (Jet version)
The Go! Team -- Junior Kickstart

Next Tuesday is Sam's Last Show Featuring DJ Sam's Mom. It's going to be poignantly awesome. Also, Sam's mother rocks.

Actually took some pictures yesterday. That's good. It keeps me from moping about not taking pictures. Funny how that works.

I've been making a habit of getting up no earlier than 8:30 (work's at 9), and it's made me consistently 3 minutes late. Except for Tuesday and Wednesday this week, in which I came to work early because of the radio show and my annual respectively. I won't get into the annual too deeply (of course), but apparently I'm at extremely low risk for virtually every STD. woo hoo to that!

The abroad business is starting to make me antsy. I've done a lot of little errands, but moving my bank account (urgh), buying a train ticket from Frankfurt to Vienna ($$), and finally finishing all my trip-related reading and note-taking (whee!) still loom large.

Also: I sympathize with my parents MORE THAN EVER now. My brother (age 16) has been a sinkhole of negativity, anger, sarcasm (not that that's a shock), and this bizarre brand of hypocritical laziness that allows him to complain about EVERYTHING but fix absolutely nothing. The complaining encompasses things as minute as the encrusted salsa on the rim of the salsa jug. And my existence. That pisses him off. If he's really upset, he gets defensive and starts attacking me for the very things that (I think, anyway) he's guilty of. Of which he is guilty. I've been making an effort to spend more time at home to get some time in with my parents, but the boy is making that extremely difficult. The little smart ass is always planted in front of the computer (necessitating, or at least partially justifying the use of the computer at work, right?) usually with the television on as well. You see, he was there first, so he exerts a sort of ownership over the entire basement movie-watching, hanging-out, email-checking area. And it's a monster inconvenience to his schedule for me to do any of those things. Particularly with Kyle. I'll curtail the rant, but the kid is driving me nuts. It feels like he's going out of his way to make me feel like even more of a visitor -- an interloper, even -- in my house. I've got to say, if I could show 15 year old Erica video of 16 year old Adam, I'd've probably cut my folks a little more slack.

Round 'n' round

Happy Birthday to Kyle.

RIP Robert Moog.

Well.

I just had the pleasure of listening to the group I thought I had forgotten or repressed. That's right, America's answer to the Vienna Choir Boys: Hanson. Not just any song either. But Mmmbop. Damn it, headphones exist for a REASON!

Every song that has ever sucked is on this girl's mp3 player and pours out of a nifty little set of speakers. About 9 yards away from my little island of appraisal reports and bitterness. GRAH!

08.16.2005 Set List

Sufjan Stevens -- Jacksonville
Flaming Lips -- A Spoonful Weighs a Ton (Request)
Feist -- Mushaboom

Iron and Wine -- The Trapeze Swinger
Elliot Smith -- Pretty (Ugly Before)
The Shins -- Saint Simon (Request from SPOKANE, WARSHINGTON)

Josh Homme -- Hanging (AKA Ramble Off)
The Ruby Doe -- Red Letters
Hot Snakes -- Hatchet Job
Mission of Burma -- Dirt

YACHT -- Daydreams with Daffodils (Stepper2 remix)
Pepe Deluxe -- Ask For a Kiss
Nobody - Tori Oshi
Malcolm Kipe -- Mans Vents
Erland Oye -- Rubicon

The Mercury Rev -- Black Forest (Lorelei) (Giveaway)
The Boy Least Likely To -- I See Spiders When I Close My Eyes
Kinski -- Hidden Drugs in the Temple (Part 2)

Autolux -- Blanket
Mudhoney -- Suck You Dry
Clinic -- T.K.
The National -- Secret Meeting

Archie Bell and the Drells -- Tighten Up
Stan Getz & Charlie Byrd -- Desafinado
Walter Wanderley -- Summer Samba
Ella Fitzgerald and Louie Armstrong -- Under a Blanket of Blue
B.B. King -- If You Love Me

Wesafari -- Shooting Stars
The Wrens -- I Married Sonja
Yo La Tengo -- From a Motel 6
General Patton & X-ecutioners -- Duelling Banjo Marching Drill (Request)

Digby -- Left You Behind (Giveaway)
2mex -- Once Again
Vast Aire -- Supafriendz
Wiley -- Wot Do You Call It

Boom Bap Project -- Following Formulas
Elvis Costello -- The Beat
Viva Voce -- Alive with Pleasure

We only have a couple of shows left this summer, and I'll miss having the show. I heard more new music this summer than any time before (even those frightful years when I listened to the radio -- KWHL, usually -- waaay back when.) I developed a taste for hip-hop -- mushrooms may be next. Maybe. Urgh. Maybe not. Anyway, I need to find out if I can get a show at UO, or even UEA.

Yeah. About that. There's been some confusion, or poor PR on my part. Starting September 14th, I'm in Europe (Vienna, then Norwich) until June (maybe later). Just before (10th or so) I spend a couple of days in Boston, to see folks and the coast to which I've never been (north of the Mason-Dixon line.) So email me your home address if you want postcardage. Which will be happening, unlike email, which kinda doesn't.

Shaking the streets

This job has a fair few perks, but one of the more interesting is that I look at a lot of maps of Anchorage. Which is cool. I like maps. I always have. But these high-detail neighborhood maps get tedious after awhile. To keep myself entertained/not gibbering under my desk, I've been compiling a list of funny street names. The subdivision names are great too. Those will come later, though.

Runamuck Road
Woo Blvd -- Mind you, this boulevard is not named for a notable Anchorage citizen of Asian descent. No. This boulevard is named after the noise people emit on snowmachines.
All Star Circle -- This is in my old neighborhood, but it appeared after I moved away in seventh grade. Around the same time I was listening to some Smash Mouth song...
Bunny Shoe Circle
Shepherdia Drive -- Eh? Sheep?
Habicht Ct. -- Bless you, city planner.
Crataegus Avenue -- Do the people who live on this street know what that word means? Does anyone?
Doggie Avenue
Grape Place
Stroganoff Drive
Pequod Circle -- Call me chuckling.
Sea Parrot Drive
Buttermilk Way
Twenty Grand Drive -- Twenty grand of what?
Klinger Circle -- We got a M*A*S*H fan in the house!
Hottentot Mine Road
Eatwood Loop
Das Acres -- SCHNELL!
Grand Larry Drive -- I bet this guy is so pleased with himself.

Also: I can't seem to type "end unit;" it's always "end unity." My inner anarchist yearns to break free.

Set list for 08.09:
David, Sam's brother, co-hosted; he's nothing shy of an expert on old-school punk.

Buena Vista Social Club -- Chan Chan (Ibrahim Ferrer, RIP)
Gorillaz -- Demon Dayz
13 and God -- If
Feist -- Let it Die

Aimee Mann -- Goodbye Caroline
Royal City -- My Brother is the Meatman

Siouxie and the Banshees -- Hong Kong Garden
The Lurkers -- Ain't Got a Clue
The Adverts -- New Boys

Joy Division -- Disorder
The Only Ones -- Lovers of Today
The Avengers -- We Are the One
The Stranglers -- No More Heroes

Violent Femmes -- Blister in the Sun (Live) (Giveaway)
Buzzcocks -- Boredom (Request)
The Heartbreakers -- I Wanna Be Loved
Bad Religion -- Billy

Caribou -- Pelican Narrows
Kings of Convenience -- The Weight of My Words
Saint Etienne -- Mountain Rain
TV on the Radio -- Satellite

The Pixies -- Where is My Mind (Request)
The Screamers -- A Better World
Bad Brains -- Pay to Cum

Sleater-Kinney -- What's Mine is Yours
Bikini Kill -- Reject All American
Free Kitten -- What's Fair

The Urinals -- Ack Ack Ack Ack
Talking Heads -- Don't Worry About the Government
The Television Personalites -- Part-Time Punks
Gang on Four -- What We All Face

The Constantines -- Seven AM
The Wrens -- Thirteen Grand
Rogue Wave -- Be Kind + Remind

The Rentals -- Friends of P.
Decemberists -- Everything I Try to Do, Nothing Seems to Turn Out Right (Request)
Lilliput -- Ain't You

X-ray Specs -- I Am a Cliche
The Clash -- Garageland
The Jam -- In the City

The Damned -- New Rose
The Zeroes -- Beat Your Heart Out
Dinosaur Jr. -- Pebbles + Weeds

As I Sit Typing

1. I took the job for the money.
2. The money is good.
3. The job is not hard.
4. So I would make easy money.
5. Easy money is good for spending in Europe.
6. Europe is where I'm going.
BUT
7. It's 12:07 and I'm almost out of work to do.
8. I probably won't make it to 5:00 without going nuts.
9. I want to make it to 5:00 because of the money.
10. Communism has always looked good to me.
11. Now it looks better.
12. I want to be a farmer.
13 (Question). Who will raise goats and sheep with me?

The phone just keeps on ringing and ringing blblblblb blblblblb and Wayne's voice mail picks it up always after 3.5 rings and it's not like I couldn't go get it, but he never told me to in fact he told me not to bother because it'll always be angry clients impatiently sighing about the "status" of their inspections wanting times and dates as if theirs is the only inspection that ever there was. Wayne is Canadian and was an Olympic alpine skier and he lets me have time off if I give him plenty of notice but his phone makes me murderous and it's a little funny that I even have a phone because it doesn't ring blblblblb blblblblb. For some reason I miss Prof. Peppis right now. I bet his phone rings a lot too. Maybe that's why he's so pissed off all the time. Maybe he wants to throw some phones out windows too because that wouldn't solve any problems but the waste would be gloriously destructive as would the subsequent firing in my case. They tried to have a meeting but the phone kept on ringing blblblblb blblblblb. That bringly noise.

This file is a soap opera.

--------------

I'm telling you, the places my mind goes during work. I wish I could read and type at the same time. Then I'd be set.

Semester school kids will leave soon. Troubling, this. It means not only do I have to say goodbye ONCE AGAIN but also that I have almost a month of Anchorage time after the bulk of my buddies leave. Ridiculous. Also, schools in the 'rage are starting earlier this year, which means less time with the parents and brother. RIDICULOUS.

In positive news, Sam's brother David will be co-hosting the show with me tomorrow. I'm psyched. Lot of old school punk. Hip Hip Hooragent Orange!

Dad and I are going to start a porter when he gets back from his tennis trip. Those kids and their tennis. The amber turned out okay, but I think it needs to age a little more. If anyone in town wants to try some, come on over.

I need a haircut. Preferably not the same one I've been getting for a couple of years. Something with a modicum or three of sex appeal might be nice.

WWFS?

I've been having massive natural disaster dreams again. Everyone loses everything and missing persons rosters and scrounging for M&Ms (which were all teal and charcoal grey) -- the works. As my brother would mis-diagnose, Freudian for sure.

Attempting to cover for my bloggity neglect with set lists is not going to work for too long, methinks. So my fooling around time at work will now be redirected toward recording my more interesting bits of internal monologue.

Meantime, feedback on the musicses is appreciated. Suggestions too. Yesterday's show was solo, sans Sam, and shockingly not a massive screw-up. I panicked (LOVE that K in there - I panicked and picnicked and trafficked, oh my!) a little when the studio monitor stopped playing. Music was going out, but I couldn't hear it. The mini-control freak within freaked the hell out. I also got a call from a woman with a voice not unlike mine -- low -- who wanted some Elvis Costello and told me to quit smoking. She assumed I was 35+, I think. She seemed shocked to hear 20. Not the first time I've been told I have an "old soul," but hopefully the last. I'm not really sure what that means or if its desirable.

08.02 Set list

Cat Power - Say
Beulah - You're Only King Once
The PIxies - River Euphrates

Interpol - Obstacle 1
Beat Happening - In Between
The New Pornographers - Miss Teen Wordpower
Cowboy Junkies - Small Swift Birds (Request)

Sleater-Kinney - Night Light
The Crabs - Anything and Everything
Mt. Eerie - Waterfalls
Yo La Tengo - Big Day Coming (Demo)

Boy George and Culture Club - Karma Chameleon (Giveaway)
Neutral Milk Hotel - You've Passed
The Gossip - Fire/Sign
The Ebb and Flow - Firefly

Stephen Malkmus - Post-Paint Boy
Stereolab - Escape Pod
13 & God - Ghostwork
Gym Class Heroes - Band Aids

Daedalus - Night & Sleep
Beck - Devil's Haircut
Decemberists - Song for Myla Goldberg (Request)
Lucero - My Best Girl (Request)

Mark Mothersbaugh - Scrapping and Yelling
The 5,6,7,8s - Woo Hoo
The Coachwhips - Letter 2 London
They Might Be Giants - Experimental Film
Oingo Boingo - Weird Science

Tom Waits - Alice
The Shins - Kissless the Lipless
The Smiths - This Charming Man

Iron and Wine - Lion's Mane
Flaming Lips - Spiderbite Song
The Dandy Warhols - The Dandy Warhols Like Almost Everybody
Elvis Costello - Less than Zero

Sigur Ros - Staralfur
Postal Service - Such Great Heights
Minmae - Smiling with Teeth

American Analog Set - The Postman
Prefuse73 - Expressing Views is Obviously Wrong
Nine Black Alps - Llana Song

Cake - Short Skirt/Long Jacket
Death from Above 1979 - You're A Woman, I'm a Machine
Franz Ferdinand - The Dark of the Matinee
MC Solaar - Obsolete

Seven Second Delay -- 07.26.2005

Bad Religion - I Wanna Conquer the World
Sleater-Kinney - I Wanna Be Yr Joey Ramone
The Clash - Spanish Bombs

The Breeders - Invisible Man
Sonic Youth - Teenage Riot
Old 97s - Moonlight
A.C. Newman - Most of Us Prizefighters

The Wallflowers - Shy of the Moon
Counting Crows - Rain King
Weezer - Say It Ain't So (Request)

Low - Silver Rider
X - Hungry Wolf
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Ballad of the Sin Eater

Hellacopters - By the Grace of God (Giveaway)
The Notwist - Pilot (Concole Remix)
Lali Puna - Grin and Bear
Nobody - Wake Up and Smell the Millenium
Caribou - Hello Hammerheads

Beulah - My Side of the City
Wilco - War on War
The Ebb and Flow - See You Around the Fjords

Vast Aire - Viewtiful Flow
Blue Scholars - Freewheelin'
MIA - Bucky Done Gun

Royal City - Under a Hollow Tree
Rilo Kiley - More Adventurous
Get Him Eat Him - Pardon My French

Built to Spill - Big Dipper
Rogue Wave - Endless Shovel
Pavement - Conduit for Sale!
Kinski - Semaphore

Paula Abdul - The Way That You Love Me (Giveaway)
Ben Kweller - Falling
The Mountain Goats - Palmcorder Yanja

Murder by Death - Killbot 2000
RATATAT - Seventeen Years
Tiger Bear Wolf - Input, Output

New Pornographers - The Bleeding Heart Show


Bailey, Rain King was for you, if you're still out there.

Set list for my first radio show, errata

The Doves -- Black and White Cities
Neutral Milk Hotel -- Song Against Sex
Devin Davis -- Cannons At The Courthouse

Rancid -- The Brothels
All -- Original Me
The Hives -- B is for Brutus

The New Pornographers -- All for Swinging You Around
Caribou -- Bees
Boom Bip -- The Do's and the Don'ts (Featuring Gruff Rhys)

Pavement -- Cut Your Hair!
Belle and Sebastian -- Don't Leave the Light On, Baby
The Decemberists -- Sporting Life (Request)
Madness -- Our House

Prince -- Raspberry Beret (contest prize, Prince Greatest Hits vol. 2)
Gang of Four -- Not Great Men
Love as Laughter -- Canal Street
The Rentals -- Waiting

The Unicorns -- Jellybones
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists -- Biomusicology
The Cripples -- Contraception
The Go! Team -- The Power is On (request)

Boom Bap Project -- Following Formulas
Bukue One -- Let Me In
Gorillaz -- November Has Come
13 and God -- Men of State

Iron and Wine -- Bird Stealing Bread
Rogue Wave -- Postage Stamp World
Sun Kil Moon -- Carry Me, Ohio

Mogwai -- You Don't Know Jesus
Viva Voce -- Alive with Pleasure
Menomena -- The Late Great Libido

Azure Ray -- Raining in Athens (Request)
Maria Taylor -- Birmingham 1982
Mommy and Daddy -- Confection
Death Cab for Cutie -- Title and Registration (Request)
Blonde Redhead -- Equus

See also: Kaz link at left. He's my co-host, for the non-Alaskans among ye.

Since returning to Anchorage, I've:

-started a boring job at a real estate appraisal firm.
-made more money at said job than any other job ever.
-hiked Arctic Valley with my family.
-biked a bit, but not as much as I'd like.
-gone to Lake Tahoe to visit Rothmans (Rothmen?) and hike, sunburn, feast, etc.
-gotten extremely excited about Austria and England next year.
-become frustrated at myself for not doing the artsy projects I told myself I'd finally start.
-written very little.
-taken few pictures.
-brewed a batch of amber ale with my folks.
-seen a few movies, read a few books.
-missed Portland. Eugene too, to a lesser degree.
-run into a ton of people I don't want to see, and a fair few I do.
-GOTTEN A RADIO SHOW!

and so on.

Right. The show is on 88.1 FM Anchorage. Tuesdays, 4-7 pm AKST. Out of staters can stream it at krua.uaa.alaska.edu. Alaska is but one wee hour earlier than Pacific time. Laura, Meg...you know what to do.

Also, if you want to record it, my baby brudder found a neat little program called wiretap pro that more or less allows you to record audio streams. I think. He's gone, so I'm just dinking around with it, hoping it's recording radio and not my obscenities in the trying-to-figure-out-the-gizmo process.

Folk + fest = urgh

I have to run a kiddie face painting booth at the Willamette Valley Folk Fest on account of this job of mine. It could be worse. Hours-wise, I'm getting off easy, which is nice considering I'm stipended and every hour they squeeze out of me lowers my hourly wage. Though the whole children aspect of it is unpleasant, it ought to go well. I can't really stand kids, by and large. The exceptions, my cousins and Julia most notably, are of course the most precocious and amazing kids ever, but the rest...meh. Thing is, kids really like me and I just don't get that. When I'm grumpy, they like me more. Quite the phenomenon.

Let's see. Over the past couple of weeks, I had a rap session with two of my GTFs, made minimal progress on Areli's birthday present (let alone the May birthdays), had a looong conversation with my beloved aunt, did masses of laundry, wished alternately that I were in Anchorage and that I never had to go back, found a job for the summer (in AK), and got a bunch of stuff done for the studying abroad business. Not to mention Mom's day. Not to mention endless boring classes that seem awfully pointless now. The weather here is manic and I'm starting to feel the same.

well then.

As if church and state weren't close enough already, now they're conjoined twins. A baptist church in North Carolina excommunicated the Democrats from its flock.

On the other hand, look up the Burka Band.

My beer turned out pretty well. Not earth-shattering, but a smooth, summery brew that goes nicely with all this damn rain.

Oregon rain

Cats and dogs? hell, this is rhinoceri and hippopotami. I don't care how disdainful my Texan roomie gets, these downpours are violent baptisms for the Willamette Valley. But it's inevitably as short-lived as it is ardent. It'll be over in an hour, if that. The rain is frenetic, but I can already hear it slacking off a little. There's got to be some kind of parable in here. Perhaps compared to the week-long Anchorage drizzle-fests. More on that as it develops.

PLC has a feral gerbil farm dwelling under the ivy. I saw about half a dozen rattish things munching and scuttling today on a Roma-run from the library.

I'm a ridiculous procrastinator. It's getting terminal. All of my study abroad paperwork remains neglected, my passport is still v1.0 (starring Erica, the 13 year old monstrosity!) and on and on. The temptation to list it is great, but I'd bore you and freak myself out.

Kyle and I are now addicted to The L-Word. No one saw it coming.

Raccoons, dairy artisans, a BK song, and GTF woes

But not in that order.

I am eating cheese that I purchased from the guy who made it. An honest-to-God cheese artisan. It's delicious, if expensive, and another peek for Erica into the world of agriculture. Cheese comes from jug-eared, lanky guys in rural Oregon, not the grocery store. It's chipotle cheddar. This guy has a blue cheese that's backordered until 2006 -- it won best blue in 2003 in the UK. My Wallace side came out in full force at this guy's booth.

Also: I could probably eat Dijon mustard with a spoon. Love it.

Studying at the library last night, a raccoon looked at me through the window (cutely) and disappeared. I was in the quiet room, so I couldn't squeal with delight. But I wiggled a bit in my chair and grinned like crazy.

My grandfather sent me a very heartfelt write-out of his family's history in Hungary/Transylvania. I shouldn't have read it at work. With his inimitable good humor and thoughtfulness, he outlined the family tree and how Rothmans, Mannheims, Bolgars, and others survived (or didn't) the Holocaust. We still email in German, at least partially. "Wir haben, "schrieb ich "eine mutige Familie." Suddenly, studying German has taken on a lot more significance.

Before I read that today, I visited my GTF for this survey course that I care about less and less every minute. She gave me a lame grade on a pretty good paper with some cryptic and pointless commentary on the sides and back about "political context" (not in the prompt) and arguing "more vigorously" to justify leaving out a particular line of this sonnet. It was an unsatisfying visit. She stood by her nonsense. To her credit, there are two points that I needed to draw out. I'm almost glad I went because of that. Now I know how nitpicky she'll be. But she seemed to think that it was the grade that bothered me. What bothered me (other than the fact that her point scale was ridiculous -- taking "a few off" of a 15 point paper and a 30 or 50 point paper makes a difference to the ratio, despite her allegations that I can make it up. If the whole class is 115 points, that's way slim) was that she didn't respond to her invalid criticisms. I think I may have frightened her, though; it was early, so I was in the "not talkative, somewhat somber, straight-faced" mode, and she got pretty uncomfortable toward the end of our little office hours session.

Bottling the Knockout Girly Beer tomorrow.

Another blues stringer back home

Looks like blogger added a "recover post" feature for all those works of genius that the internet eats when its feeling ornery. Just another reason I like it. Not that I've been showing my love for the blog lately.

To condense, I've been really homesick lately. Or peoplesick, I guess. I miss my Anchortown buddies to the point of tears and Eugene, while it's not Spokane, isn't exactly wildly entertaining.

On the less-whiny side, I'm going to see Sarah Vowell in Portland at Wordstock. The name is cheesy, but Miss Vowell's speaky is free.

And I'm listening to the Who, which tends make life easier overall.

Also: I just literally found an ant in my pants. Apparently, they're back with a vengeance, the little fuckers.

Just a couple quick things

I'm taking a silkscreening class at the craft center and brewing beer. The class is a bit dull, mostly on account of the teacher, but as soon as we're actually into the guts of it, I think I'll have a great time. It took me a hell of a long time to figure out why exactly one would want the emulsion to dry on the screen, but after an hour or so of unclear lecture and a less clumsy demonstration, I finally got the idea. And the beer! I'm making a raspberry honey ale that may well push 6.5 or 7% alcohol by volume. Hence the name: Knockout Girly Beer. Now you all know my thoughts on drinking and drunkness, so I say all this trusting you guys understand my joy at making stuff, not drinking it. hmm. rising incoherence. At any rate, it should be concurrently sweet and hoppy -- a really interesting, refreshing summer beer, methinks.

Meg is in my german conversation group, and that makes me endlessly happy. Less English, more German...hooray!

been sleeping poorly. missing people. Bailey, are you out there? I would really love to hear from you, my dear.

A bit of a saga, really.

Indeed they do, and they're far superior to anything that Greyhound has to offer. The past two weeks have been extremely eventful and extremely computer-less as Areli and Sam came to town, Kyle’s computer broke, and I left my little laptop alone in Eugene when I buzzed off to Portland last Sunday. So I’ll regale you with excerpts from the real journal, which is probably more accurate anyway, since it was along for the ride the whole time.

I want to be a line drawing. A simple, transparent line drawing. Actually, I'd like everyone to be line drawings. Maybe then I'd feel more sure of what few pen strokes I have.

Areli and Sam arrived in the thick of dead week -- really, the weekend before, but I had tons of work to do [I go on to list the papers and crap that I had to wade through the previous week, that week, and through finals. --e] We looked for salvia unsuccessfully; I'm not too keen on jumping through hoops to get the stuff, but I'm still curious. Their first full day involved University park (the one with the demon merry-go-round that always manages to fling me off and get sand in my underdrawers), Prince Puckler's ice cream and a tour of campus. They wandered Eugene. Fred Meyer! A movie or two. Dinners: flying dog, ziti bake, awesome quesadillas, pizza, and a cake. The cake didn't have long to live. We demolished it in the fullest sense of the word. Friday: I blew off all my classes (kyle handed in my paper) and went to PDX. We did some general wandering and hit a really great show: The Velvet Teen and Crosstide, with the New Truth (a lesser band, I thought.) The show was really good, but for some reason I hit a real energy lapse -- I was exhausted by nine. I stuck it out and got a second wind, but I considered (and I can't believe it in retrospect, and see it as a real moment of weakness) changing my bus ticket and going back to Eugene seriously. That was a wussy-ass low point, and I feel a bit guilty. We hit a Denny's after a 15-20 minute meander through a frontage road drug bust in industrial north portland. I saw some sketchy parts of stumptown that I wouldn't have otherwise seen, but we needed to ask a cop (who was blockading the road because of the aforementioned bust) for directions to I-5. Eventually, I got my milkshake and Areli and Sam got their fried stuff. Our main problem was a lack of a place to crash. At 1:00 or so at Denny's, our standing plan was to just stay up all night. Vetoed on the grounds of Areli and Sam having 4 more hours of driving. Roberta's [the woman I stay with in Portland -- a friend of my parents and a super cool gal] was ostensibly not an option; she was out of town, and, though she's told me to use the place and not stand on ceremony, I hadn't called her beforehand AND there was a not-Roberta's car in the driveway. Just moseying in would disturb any housesitter, though maybe not Bert. Later I found out that the omninous Trooper was a neighbor's. We had tried the hostel and a couple motels earlier to no avail, so we ended up shelling out for the Thrifylodge on E Burnside. Scuzzy, but acceptable. The room had a queen and a twin like the rooms my parents could sometimes finagle when we all road tripped together. Adam and I would alternate turns on the bed to prevent fighting. We were usually pretty good to each other on those trips, just cranky for autonomous reasons. anyway, the night was fairly uneventful, despite our proximity to bars, strip joints and the Doug Fir (a concert venue/lounge that gets good shows that I naturally can't see stupid 20...grr). The morning was smooth, if early. My bus left at 11:30 or so, and I had to be there an hour early. The Dynamic Duo dropped my off a couple of blocks from the bus station and right next to this little bakery I know -- we parted and I missed them almost immediately. It's nice to have old friends in a new environment. My posse was there -- they had my back. I got myself a muffin and a coffee and a coke for the road to settle my stomach in case of a motion sickness emergency --I was going dramamine commando. Seeing as my motion sickness can reach epic proportions, this was major. but somehow I managed not only to be a-okay the whole time, but I even read and wrote a little. As the Greyhound pulled onto Coburg, it occured to me that what took longer than a feature length movie (the bus ride) would stick in my memory as a montage, complete with iPod soundtrack, if at all. The contraction of life like that bothered me, but I supposed that if we carried every moment of our lives with us 24/7, no one would live to see 20. Destroying our recollection helps us collect more, snippets on snippets.

Okay, that should tide you all over until I get to finals week and spring break. Bear in mind I did omit some banal things without noting them.

I'm sorry

In your grief, please know that I am here for any support you want or need.